The crazy English by; Richard Lederer

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Let's face it: English is a
crazy language
There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger
neither apple nor pine in
pineapple
And while no one knows what
is in a hotdog
you can be pretty sure it
isn't canine

English muffins were not
invented in England
nor French fries in France
Sweetmeats are candies,
while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat

We take English for granted
But if we explore its
paradoxes
we find that quicksand can
work slowly
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a
pig
And why is it that writers
write
but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham

If the plural of tooth is
teeth
why isn't the plural of
booth, beeth
One goose, 2 geese. So, one
moose, 2 meese
Is cheese the plural of
choose
One mouse, 2 mice
One louse, 2 lice
One house, 2 hice

If teachers taught, why
didn't preachers praught
If a vegetarian eats
vegetables
what does a humanitarian eat

Why do people recite at a
play, and play at a recital
Ship by truck or car and
send cargo by ship
Have noses that run and feet
that smell
Park on driveways and drive
on parkways

How can a slim chance and a
fat chance be the same
while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites
How can the weather be hot
as Hell one day
and cold as Hell another

When a house burns up, it
burns down
You fill in a form by
filling it out
and an alarm clock goes off
by going on.

You get in and out of a car
yet you get on and off a bus

When the stars are out, they
are visible
but when the lights are out,
they are invisible
And why, when I wind up my
watch, I start it
but when I wind up this
essay, I end it

English is a silly language
it doesn't know if it is
coming or going.
TOPIC : The crazy English by; Richard Lederer SOURCE : Linguistic Studies ** http://languages.forumactif.org/

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